Creativity is a funny thing. It seems to ebb and flow in me depending on whichever way that tide decides to flow form one day to the next. Creativity has always been a part of who I am and I think growing up that was difficult. It was tough to be a dreamer in the land of jock straps, football and the hunter/slayer types. My imagination always ran rampant as a child and deep into my late teens. I grew up in a rural area and my best friends were all younger than me. I was the ring leader. I was the director in every adventure we ever went on. I was born a writer/director and will continue to do that until I die.
Having that younger gang of pals surrounding me always made me younger than I truly was. I don’t believe it was meant as some sort of mental escape or any sort of regression, but it was something I was passionate about. The writing of our adventures and the fact that I had my friends as actors in our imaginary movies in our minds. Every adventure played itself out and is absolutely a direct cause of why I am the way I am today. I nourished my own creativity from a very young age.
I know that it was difficult for my parents to understand. I was hampered in some ways from pursuing those dreams. I suppose it held me back in more ways than one, just by being misunderstood at home.
Fast forward a whole bunch of years and I seem to be at the peak of my creative chi. I have finally come to terms with my successes and failures in my creative endeavors in my life. My movies, I take great pride in what I was able to achieve with literally NOTHING. I made two strong and solid films that stand by themselves and are at the pinnacle of micro budgeting movies. The Coldest Winter this past year started to take steps toward turning a profit. …I did make a WWII movie on a $500 budget. That in itself is a feat that would get me recognized in Hollywood, if I could ever get the movie into the hands of the studios.
It wasn’t until I had begun to receive rejection letters from literary agents and publishers that I realized that I had accomplished something. On numerous occasions, my rejection letters made note of my filmmaking and writing accomplishments. Yeah. I have to admit. That felt good.
My career in music started back up after my separation from my ex-wife. In the nineties I was young and naive and had a kick ass band at the height of grunge. We kicked ass. I will admit. The demise was entirely my fault. My ego got in the way, because we were starting to make noise and I thought I was better than everyone else. I slept with girls I shouldn’t have and wounded a friend or two in the process. But hey, I was a rock star in the making. Here we go now, fast forwarding to me being the lead singer in a retro throwback grunge band. Working on relevant and really good music. Writing. Singing. Playing. It fills my life.
If my blog here is of any clue, I also enjoy the art of photography. I love finding the beautiful in nature. I love finding the magic in every day living. I thrive on finding the right smile, the depth of the eyes or even the blackness of a shadow. Photography may be something of a hobby I suppose. I don’t nearly commit as much to it as I would like to… But with all this other creating… I am kinda busy!
Cut to: my novel… I recently finished that up and am probably more proud of that unpublished masterpiece than any other bit of work I have ever done. The story and action and the twist ending is absolutely riveting and I’m pretty amazed that thing came out. The book was very stream of consciousness. It was an exercise in my creative process. I set boundaries and I broke them. I gave myself the freedom to just spill every possible word I could and dive deep into the psyche of these characters and let them live their lives. I truly feel the book wrote itself. I was was merely the medium that pulled the story from the creative consciousness of the universe and translated it from idea to page.
As time goes on, I begin to realize that creative consciousness is out there and it can be tapped into. You just have to open yourself to it and be free enough to find it, to understand it. To create it.